Saying goodbye to loneliness and freedom all at once…

This is a wake-up call for all couples—married or simply living together—who have yielded to those freedom-cutting routines pushed on us in the name of custom or tradition.

Once we find the person we want to be with, we might say goodbye to loneliness, but along the way, we lose completely different freedoms without even realizing it. I am not talking about the things we give up regarding monogamy and sex. People make a conscious and deliberate choice when leaving those behind; likewise, some may consciously reject such compromises altogether.

No, my grievance is with those mundane yet vital daily freedoms that slip away before we even notice—the ones we completely overlook early on, blinded by the pure rush of holding someone’s hand…

The personal room we lose while winning a lover…

We watch our bedroom turn into a free “shared space” the moment we become a pair. This used to be our sanctuary—the one place where we could hang out alone, adjust the lights, windows, or AC exactly how we liked it, and choose between perfect order or total mess on a whim. And this loss happens right after we finally gain our financial independence; right when we are finally ready to build our own living space after years of being forced to share rooms with siblings or roommates.

It’s like losing land in a war. Once love conquers, a massive loss is written into the history of the couple, no matter whose house they move into. This room—the exact square footage doesn’t even matter—is surrendered by both sides. It stands as the very first major casualty on this new path walked together.

When moving from Solitary Mode to the Love Nest, unless we are wealthy enough to afford a 4+2 mansion, our bedroom—just like the living room, kitchen, and bathroom—has to be opened up for sharing. I have to accept, or at least come to terms with, this reality. (Though, my spouse and I already have our plans ready for the day we get that 4+2 house: we will reclaim our lost rooms and hang our personal flags on the doors!)

If we share the bedroom, why did we drag the bed into this compromise too?

Right after losing the room, our personal bed took a top spot on the list of casualties.

Double beds are the absolute center of romantic movies. (I mean romantic movies, let’s keep our minds out of the gutter here!) There is always a beautiful love music playing in the background. Couples fall asleep wrapped in happy embraces. A wonderful spouse lies awake, propping their head up with an arm, staring at their partner with pure adoration. In the morning—with zero worry about being late for work—they kiss the person next to them, snuggle closer, and drift back to sleep. And during a breakup scene, we see these exact moments replayed in slow motion or black-and-white.

Fine, I admit it—as couples, we all spend our first years trying to live out those beautiful movie scenes. But what about five years later?

Actually, don’t even look five years ahead. Let’s look at an unlucky couple instead. What is a poor soul supposed to do when they realize, in the very first week, that their partner sleeps sprawled out like Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man? Out of respect for art, should they try to squeeze into whatever tiny slivers of mattress are left, or should they take advantage of the darkness and try to push them out of the bed entirely?

What did the innocent spouse do wrong, trying to sleep next to someone who starts the night at 12 o’clock and keeps spinning until they become the hour and minute hands of a clock? Isn’t sharing a bed with people like this a direct violation of your right to sleep?

Don’t let bed sizes like King or Queen fool you. Those are just marketing tricks to trick the public. In actual royal families, kings and queens don’t just sleep in separate beds; they have separate bedrooms.

With a younger generation that loves its comfort, I predict that the “sleep divorce” culture—already normal in cold Nordic countries and taking over America and Europe—will soon become popular in the Middle East and the Balkans too.

We might have rescued the pillow over the years, but the blanket remains among the missing…

The room went, the bed went… I get all that, but when did we give up the blanket?

Now, this isn’t something we can blame on being poor; this is a total disregard for personal peace and safety! If we can’t afford two blankets, let’s just cut the double blanket right down the middle, and let everyone do whatever they want under their own cover. We shouldn’t have to invent primitive survival tactics—like tucking the edges of the blanket under our butts before falling asleep—just to keep from freezing because the person next to us decided to roll themselves up in the blanket like a fur coat. Please.

Did we accidentally swear an oath on food somewhere along the line?

While fighting the bed and blanket wars, our freedom over what we eat slipped right through our fingers just so we could be a couple.

On the day we promised to stay together in sickness and in health, did we accidentally promise to get hungry at the exact same hour too? Is it pure heresy to start and end meals at different times during an Intermittent Fasting routine, or does it doom the covenant? If we can’t get hungry at the same time as our partner, could it be that the person we love so deeply is simply not our digestive soulmate?

When you think about it, isn’t it a bit ridiculous to wait for dinner on an agonizingly empty stomach, or to force yourself to eat when you’re full, just to sit at a nice table for the sake of a happy family portrait? If there is chicken at home but you crave a kebab, and you want to order takeout, does that count as declaring a hot or cold war?
I think I know why couples love eating out—because on that night, everyone gets to eat exactly what they want! Even on a small, limited menu, getting a tiny taste of freedom feels like a breath of fresh air. With individualism on the rise, single-serving meals keep growing in popularity. Now, one partner can happily cut into their meat while the other finds peace in a salad. Can you believe it?

“No! Justice! No! Peace!”
(Note: Couples with intense work schedules are excluded from this section.)

All the other “lovable” people who come as a bonus package with the person you love…

Great, you found the person of your dreams and you love them like crazy. How wonderful!
But how are things going with the family, relatives, and friends who suddenly marched into your life alongside them? If you truly love someone, are you really expected to love everyone from their past, present, and future? Seriously?

Engaging in tiny, harmless gossip about people neither side likes—basically tearing others to shreds for sport – can be a delightful bonding activity for some couples. But if there are relatives or friends your partner adores and you just can’t stand, things can get incredibly awkward.

Does saying, “I don’t like these people, leave me out of these plans,” ruin a relationship? As grown adults, why is it so hard to freely choose who we see and when, and to say it with mutual respect?
In many couples, the partner who is dragged somewhere against their will always ends up showing their frustration through their expressions or words. This leads to tension, sometimes right in front of everyone else. Yet, if the unwilling partner had just stayed home, both people would have been much happier in their own spaces.

It would be a much fairer deal if spouses were honest—but respectful—from the very beginning about skipping get-togethers with people they dislike. Trading this freedom would gracefully spare both sides from unwanted obligations.

Still, for couples who haven’t even hit their one-year anniversary, carefully looking at why you like or dislike someone while sorting this out is crucial. It helps highlight your differences early and saves your future years together (or apart).

Vacation dreams…

The best parts of a relationship are usually the vacations. Trips taken in the early years of a couple are basically the overtime shifts of love. (I wanted to make a clocking-in joke here, but I’ll pass.)
But as time goes on, what people want out of a vacation changes, just like what they want out of life. When one partner wants peace and quiet while the other wants adventure and action, just planning the trip can turn into a massive debate. Why don’t we just say—let everyone take their own breaks?

The idea of an “individual time off”—totally normal in Nordic countries and becoming common in Europe and America—still risks turning into neighborhood gossip in Middle-Near-Far Eastern countries. If one partner goes away alone, a wave of anxiety hits the extended family and spreads to friends: “Did you hear? They went on vacation by themselves. They’ve been spending a lot of time apart lately anyway, they’re probably getting a divorce…” It gets served up as tabloid news over coffee.

Yet, a vacation is supposed to rest your mind, not just your body. Even if two hearts beat as one, minds work completely independently. Naturally, these separate minds need different spaces to recharge. Hobbies, destinations, or accommodations should be chosen freely and separately, aiming to get the most out of the break. Otherwise, how do you find the motivation to spend a month’s salary on a one-week trip? If only people, before turning to their partners to ask, “Where are we going this year?” would first ask themselves, “What do I want this year?”

Safe travels to all the brave couples out there who refuse to give in to peer pressure, grab their suitcases, and head out on their own vacations.

To my spouse…

It would be impossible to end my essay without writing this, of course… I want to take this opportunity to thank my dear spouse, who has given me endless freedom across all these topics for the more than twenty years we have spent together, and who always thanks me for having that exact same freedom. Thank you, my love…

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If something stayed with you……